Dead Horse to John Sterling:“Stop Beating Me!”

The only thing John Sterling loves more than…John Sterling, is a catch phrase he can beat to death. Yesterday, when the Yanks bullpen almost blew a lead in the ninth, Sterling found one.

As the Orioles threatened to tie the game, Sterling declared “This is life without Mariano.” OK. We get it. Mariano is on the shelf and it was a decent observation. But in Sterling’s world, anything worth saying once is worth repeating ad nauseam. And so a few seconds later, he repeats himself as though the thought just popped into his head, “This is life without Mariano.”

To make matters worse, as soon as Suzyn Waldman started her Star-of-the-Game interview, she jumped on the bandwagon with…you guessed it…”This is life without Mariano.”

Cut to commercial. Come back to the broadcast, and how does Sterling begin his post-game wrap up? You guessed. So “this is life without Mariano.” I would be willing to bet he repeated it at least two more times, but I had to turn the radio off because I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I am left to hope and wait for the day when I can once again enjoy a Yankee radio broadcast. The day when Yankee fans can rejoice. The day when we experience “life without Sterling.”

John Sterling’s Home Run Call for Barack Obama

The Yankees visited the White House yesterday to receive official World Championship recognition from the baseball-fan-in-chief, Barack Obama. And there, smiling like he just scored aisle seats to Finnian’s Rainbow, was John Sterling.

All of which makes me wonder, what would Sterling’s home run call for the President be? Certainly it would start with the obligatory “It is high…it is far…it is gone!” But then what? A few possibilities include:

“It’s an A-Bomba, from O-Bama!”

“That’s gone…and it’s never coming Barack!”

“Oh Mama…there goes Obama!”

“Book it a flight on Air Force Run!”

But these, dear reader, are just the tip of the Sterling iceberg. Put on your thinking caps and send me your best John Sterling Presidential home run call The authors of the top three calls will win a brand new Sterling Stinks T-shirt!

Will the Real John Sterling Please Shut Up?

You may have heard this, but here’s a great recording of some guy doing his impression of BOTH John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman. Not only does he get their sound, but he nails their style. “How do you predict baseball?” “You can throw the numbers out the window.” You get the picture.

I Feel Unpretty

Sure “unpretty” is a word, it’s just not the kind of word you would expect to hear during a baseball broadcast. It’s awkward, clumsy and showy. In other words, it’s the perfect type of word for John Sterling to use, which he did, tonight.

During this evening’s game in Oakland, Sterling, the Yankees radio announcer, commented on how drab the A’s Coliseum is. It’s very “unpretty,” Sterling groaned. In fact, “it’s the unprettiest ballpark in the major leagues.”

Really?

Just as Tom Hanks exclaimed “there’s no crying in baseball,” I say, “there’s no flowery language in baseball!” You can tell by the name of this site that I am not one to beat around the bush (It’s called Sterling Stinks…not Sterling Annoys my Sensibilities).

So why “unpretty?” Why not…oh, I don’t know…maybe: ugly, awful, hideous, disgusting, terrible…you get the idea.

Why does Sterling make these misguided word choices? I don’t know. Maybe he’s bored. Maybe he’s oblivious. Or maybe he’s just unsmart.

He's O Kay with Me

As much as I prefer listen to a baseball game on the radio over watching one on TV, the voice of John Sterling is enough to drive me to the idiot box. While tuning in to yesterday’s matinee against the Texas Rangers, Yankees TV announcer Michael Kay showed an admirable touch of impartiality.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Brett Gardner hit a grounder that went right through the legs of Rangers second baseman Joaquin Arias. Was it catchable? Absolutely. Was it an error? Yes…to just about everyone except the official scorer who, feeling a little home town love, gave Gardner a hit.

Kay immediately took offense. “Oh come on!” he said. “That’s a shocker. I had it as E4. Come on!”

As discussed before right here at Sterling Stinks, rooting is one thing, but being an all out Homer can get annoying. Good job, Mr. Kay.

A Suzyn Waldman Slip!

Sure we focus on John Sterling, but when his partner in the booth, Suzyn Waldman, makes a goof, it’s only fair we give it a mention.

In the top of the ninth inning of today’s loss to the Angels, Waldman stated that relief pitcher Fernando Rodney was “throwing up in the pen.” After repeating the gaff (twice!), Waldman corrected herself (“warming up”) and moved on.

The John Sterling Home Run Call Quiz

Sure we all know “it is high…it is far…it is gone,” but how well can you identify Sterling’s personalized calls for some current (and recently-departed) Yankees? See how you stack up thanks to Sporcle, a Web site dedicated to “mentally stimulating diversion.”

You’ll have seven minutes to correctly identify calls for 15 different Yankees, including Jeter, Cano and (my fave) Bernie Williams. Put on your thinking cap and click here to take the quiz. Good luck!

Sterling Adds to Granderson Home Run Call (via Willy Wonka)

Would he? Could he? Was it possible that John Sterling would repeat his much-maligned home run call for Curtis Granderson? Simply put, yes.

After Granderson went yard against Jonathan Papelbon in tonight's 10th inning, the head scratching began as, for some unknown reason, Sterling repeated his now infamous “Something sort of Grandish” call.

But wait. It gets worse. Since one egotistical call may not be enough, Stelring then proceeded to serenade his listners buy singing “The Grandyman can, the Grandyman can.” This is apparently his take on the song “The Candy Man,” featured in the film Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.

“Something sort of Grandish” is based on the 1947 Broadway musical Finnian’s Rainbow. Willy Wonka came out in 1971. I guess this is Sterling’s idea of getting with the times.

As Good as it Gets?

I forgot just how over-the-top John Sterling gets when he gushes about Alex Rodriquez. I was reminded last night when he called A-Rod’s 2009 post-season “as good a play-offs as any player’s ever had.” Really?

No doubt, Rodriquez had his best post-season in pinstripes, and he certainly helped bring the championship home…but “as good a play-offs as any player’s ever had” seems a bit strong.

In the World Series, A-Rod hit .250 with six RBIs and one HR. Those numbers put him nowhere near the top of any major batting statistic in World Series’ history. Even in Yankee Land, we have Babe Ruth hitting four homers, Bobby Richardson with 12 RBI and, just last year, Hideiki Matsui hit .615 in the Fall Classic.

Rodriquez had a much better LCS, but even those numbers are far from “best ever” stats. In fact, virtually none of A-Rod’s Championship Series batting numbers land him in the Top 10 of any single-season LCS batting list. Oops…actually his three HRs have him tied for third (with 27 other players).

Once again, why let the facts get in the way of a good ass kissing?

Sterling Joins Red Sox

Well, Sterling detractors, we finally got our wish. In a surprise move, NY Yankee announcer John Sterling has jumped ship and is now the radio voice of the Boston Red Sox. He begins his new assignment this Sunday with the season opener.

In a prepared statement, Sterling said that while his "Yankee years were second only to his time in Atlanta, he looks forward to joining Red Sox Nation."

Many Yankee fans will, no doubt, celebrate the move. Until they check the calendar.

You Can't Predict Baseball...You Can't Predict Baseball

On those rare occasions when John Sterling actually makes sense, he still manages to annoy. Usually it's because he's said it a million times before...and that's in the last two innings! MLB.com beat writer Bryan Hoch deftly points this out in a recent blog about the Yankees 2010 season.

Can’t the Yankees do Better than John Sterling?

I can’t wait for opening day against the Red Sox, yet my excitement is tempered with the knowledge that this also means another year of John Sterling blowing calls and hot air.

While surfing the Web, I came upon a well-thought-out argument against the announcer. Here’s the link.

Sterling Silver

Today, USA Today mentions how John Sterling “has been misjudging fly balls for home runs for years.” It’s good to see the press verify what we’ve known for far too many seasons. Actually, it is an interesting article on veteran sportscasters, from Sterling (71) to Vin Scully (82).

Personally, I prefer some of the older announcers to the younger ones. They provide a better perspective to the game and are full of interesting anecdotes. I won’t get into what I think Sterling is full of.

Read the story here.

Sterling Double Dipping?

As we wait for the season to start, we will take an occasional look at Sterling Moments from years gone by. In 2008, the NY Post reported that John Sterling was building a bad rep in the press dining room.

Charges range from dipping his finger into the ice cream barrel, to breaking snacks in half and leaving the remains for others. All this proves that, unlike the rest of us, John Sterling can have his cake and eat it, too…and leave the rest for some poor slob to clean up. Read the whole story here.

Want Fries with That Shake?

How does John Sterling create such a strong vibrato for his infamous “The Yankees Win!” call? By contorting his upper body in a move known as the “Sterling Shake.” The best part happens around the :24 second point, when Sterling turns around to see who’s looking at him. Kind of a microcosm of why he is such a terrible broadcaster…it’s all about him.

Me Llama Senior Boring

Writing for the NY Post today, Phil Mushnick reports that WCBS-AM has struck a deal with a Spanish-speaking station to carry Yankees games. Mushnick points out that even if you no comprende Espanol , it still beats listening to Sterling. Good point, Phil!

Girardi Wallops Sterling?

No matter how much he annoys us, we certainly wish John Sterling no harm. That said, we certainly got a kick out of an NBC Sports blog that talked about Yankee skipper Joe Girardi whacking Sterling upside the head with a metal chair. Read the story here.

Lemonade from Lemons

Sterling’s end-of-game victory call (“Theeeee Yankees Win”) is so annoying that it makes even the biggest Yankee fan cringe. Yet musical group The Deadly Spinners found inspiration in it. The result is a fine piece of work called the “WinWarble Song.” Here it is:

More Hot Air

Pinstripe Alley gives a great example how one of John Sterling's many thories just doesn't hold water. Baseball fans will enjoy their analysis called Men Left on Base.

Spring Training Broadcast Schedule

Want to know when to steer clear of WCBS 880? Here's their spring training schedule.