The Night Before (John) Sterling

Tomorrow marks the 2011 debut of Yanks baseball on the radio, and the return of John Sterling. Which makes tonight:

The Night Before Sterling

‘Twas the night before Sterling, when all through the house,

Each creature was fearing, what would spring from his mouth;

For tomorrow he sits in his Yank’s broadcast chair,

And starts a new season of spewing hot air;

The radios were tuned to the Yankee’s network,

Just awaiting the s**t that would emit from this jerk;

I took out my jersey, I put on my cap,

And finally awoke from my long winter’s nap;

When out of the radio, there rose such a clatter;

As Sterling had started his mind-numbing patter;

He’s always mistaking, what are strikes and are balls,

And makes efforts painstaking, on his home run calls;

On Jeter, on Text, on Jolly Saint Nick,

On my nerves, for quite frankly, he’s making me sick;

Is it fair? Is it foul? Is it over the wall?

He’s calls are like noses, he blows one and all;

But this game is a tough one, there’s just no explaining,

And while he makes little sense, there’s no sense complaining;

So here I exclaim, whilst full of derision;

Click off your radio, and watch television!

The John Sterling Effect

Yep Listen to him enought and this is what happens:



P.S. This is NOT me :)

Four Days till John Sterling Returns

The Yankees broadcast schedule is out and we only have four days left till the return of John Sterling to the airwaves. Talk about mixed emotions. The thrill of Yankee baseball tempered by the agony of having to listen to John Sterling.

Word is that the Vegas bookmakers are adding Sterlingisms to their offerings. Here are some of the most recent odds:

Sterling reacts to an exhibition win over the Twins as if the Yanks won another pennant - 4:1
Sterling sings a song from a Broadway musical – 7:1
Sterling mispronounces a player’s name – Even

Plus, here are the over/unders for some Sterling utterances (per game):

Sterling says spring training games are meaningless – 31
Sterling says spring stats are meaningless – 18
Sterling says spring stats are meaningless, and then proceeds to talk about spring stats – 6

A lot can happen in four days. Maybe Sterling will get an offer to appear in Spider-man on Broadway and leave the Yankees before Opening Day. Wait…they’ve had enough trouble as it is.

The Final Countdown?

Such mixed emotions. Like most baseball fans, I am thrilled that spring training is here. Visions of sugar plums dancing in my head have been replaced by visions on yet another World Series championship (or, at the very least, visions of a solid third and fourth starter).

Like most Yankees fans, my joy is tempered by the fact that I am facing another season of listening to John Sterling. The man mangles calls. The man mispronounces names (sometimes twice in the same sentence). The man sings when he should talk. The man talks when he should shut up. But every cloud has a silver lining.

Is this the last year of Sterling?

The Yankees contract with their flagship radio station, WCBS-AM, expires after this season. And with it, so do the contracts of Sterling and Snoozin’ Waldman, possibly the worst broadcast duo in baseball.

You know that Hank S. will be shopping the rights looking for the very best deal. If that deal is found elsewhere, will the new broadcast partner resign Sterling and Waldman? Probably not. Even if the Yanks stay with CBS, the broadcast brass there must realize that the fans have had it. The home run calls and ego-driven chatter have gone stale. It is time for a change.

Here’s hoping that this is the final countdown. Here’s hoping that the 2012 Yankees bring new announcers to their radio team.

Play Ball!

The mercury is approaching the 70s in NYC today. Spring is in the air and the Boys of Summer are down south warming up for another season of baseball. While there are big concerns about the starting rotation, sadly one rotation will stay intact. Yes, Yankee fans, it looks like we will have to endure another summer of John Sterling and Snoozin’ Waldman.

I too, am gearing up for another season of blown calls and ego-driven broadcasts. I look forward to your comments, insults and suggestions (and the witty banter of Grumpus).

John Sterling: Stuck in the 80s

In tonight’s loss to the Blue Jays, as an errant throw rolled into the outfield, the ever-current John Sterling remarked that the throw would have even been “over Kareem’s head.”

How timely, a 2010 reference to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the six-time NBA MVP who retired in…wait for it…1989. That’s 1989, as in 21 YEARS AGO, proving yet again that Sterling exists in some sort of nonsensical time warp.

John Sterling’s Home Run Call for Lance Berkman

OK, so my affinity for Lance Berkman goes back to his early days as a roto stud. I am glad to see him in pinstripes, but the joy of a lefty off the bench is tempered by the fact that this means John Sterling gets to create yet another inane home run call. What will Sterling come up with now? A Berkman Blast? Lance Left the Field. What home run call will the “Jerk Man” create for the Berkman?

John Sterling Hall of Shame

A few comments down, our resident Sterling Savant (that’s you Mr. Grumpus) spoke of the day when statues would be erected in honor of the Voice of the Yankees. Such a horrific thought reminded me that, shortly after The Boss passed on, the airwaves were buzzing with conjecture about whether he would every make it to the Hall of Fame. At that time, a friend turned to me and asked “Do you think Sterling would ever get in?”

I froze.

Suddenly I felt like a helpless victim in an Edgar Allan Poe story. Putting the words “Sterling” and Hall of Fame” in the same sentence was worse than hearing the Raven's “nevermore” AND the beating of the Tell Tale Heart at the same time.

Could it ever happen? I hope not, but hope is not a strategy. Together, we must devise an action plan to make sure Professor Sterling never, ever, EVER lands in Cooperstown. Post, respond, e-mail me. Rack your brains for ideas and then tell me…how can we keep this man out???

John Sterling in Double Trouble

Sure John Sterling is infamous for mispronouncing player’s names, but saying the same player’s name two different ways in the same sentence may be a first!

Cut to Tuesday night’s game in Cleveland when, in the same breath, Sterling referred to Indians' catcher Chris Gimenez as both (phonetically) Him-en-ez AND Gym-en-ez. Professor Sterling must have been to preoccupied coming up with more coinkydinks to share.

Well Eschews Me!

Once again, Yankee broadcaster John Sterling resorted to his “word-of-the-day” announcing style instead of the clear and concise technique preferred by his superiors (i.e. 99% of all other play-by-play men).

In the sixth inning of tonight’s game in Cleveland, Indian’s manager Manny Acta decided to let a player try to advance a man on first without bunting. When the play failed, Professor Sterling stated “So Manny Acta eschews the bunt.” Eschews? Really?

It’s not quite an SAT word, but the question remains…why use it? Why not just say “Acta decided not to bunt.”? I’ll tell you why. It’s not about the game. It’s about Sterling, and even in the simplest baseball moment, the Professor must shine the light on himself. When Sterling says “eschew” what he is really saying is “look at me! See how I can use fancy words that other broadcasters don’t?” Well Professor, there’s a reason they don’t.

The old acronym KISS (Keep it Simple Stupid) applies here, as it does to most everything Sterling says. As another (humbler) genius, Albert Einstein, once said, “Everything should be made as simple as possible.”

John Sterling’s Imagination Runs Dry

Maybe it was the heat. Maybe it was the shock of a bench jockey suddenly being called into play and belting a homer. Whatever the reason, John Sterling has hit bottom with his lame home run call for New York Yankees rookie Colin Curtis.

As the ball left the yard, the Sterling-throated one declared “I’ll C.C. you later!” Then, after an awkward beat in which it seemed Sterling realized just how lame he’s become, he added the attribution: “he said.” Making the whole call “I’ll C.C. you later…he said.”
I get it, his initials are C.C.

I also get that by adding yet another inane home run call which puts the focus on himself instead of the game, Sterling loses the moment.

A pinch hitter, inheriting an 0-2 count from a batter thrown out of the game? Happens every day. A kid hitting his first blast in Yankee stadium? Boring. No, instead let’s focus on silly wordplay so we can all talk about how creative the announcer is. I am really getting fed up.

PS Sterling’s home run call for Juan Miranda was just as poor.

Clear, Concise, Correct

Give the Yanks credit for a touching video tribute to Bob Sheppard. Towards the end of the montage, Sheppard states how he doesn’t attempt to be flamboyant or clairvoyant. Instead, he sums up his professional attitude in three words: Clear. Concise. Correct.

Then cut to the bumbling, stumbling “Voice of the Yankees,” Mr. Sterling. Hopefully, he was paying close attention to the Sheppard tribute and will pick up some pointers from a class act.

Howie Rose Kicks John Sterling's Butt

This is the series I live for! Yankees v. Mets!

Is it the rivalry? No. Is it the bragging rights? No. Is it the novelty? Not any more.

I love the Subway Series for one simple reason: I get to listen to the Yankees on the radio without having to listen to John Sterling. Whenever the cross-town rivals do battle, I tune in to WFAN, the Mets flagship station, and enjoy play-by-play the way it should be.

Baseball fans frequently like to compare teams player by player. When that comparison measures Yanks against Mets, the scale tilts heavily towards the pinstripes. First base? Check. Second base? Check. Starting rotation? Check. Broadcast booth? Flushing, we have a problem.

Any advantage Text has over Ike, any lead Jeter has over Reyes, is dwarfed by the way Howie Rose eclipses John Sterling.

Accuracy? Check. Likeability? Check. Home run call? Don’t even get me started.

Am I ready to switch stations for 162 games a year. No way. I’ll take pinstripes over blue and orange any day. But as far as this weekend is concerned, you’ll find me to the left of the dial, rooting for the Yankees, loving life, and enjoying the best baseball announcing New York has to offer.

John Sterling on Ernie Harwell

OK, let’s give credit where credit is due. Sterling did a nice 70-second remembrance of Tigers announcer Ernie Harwell, who passed away last week at the age of 92. In a break from his normally egomaniacal delivery, Sterling shares some gracious words about Harwell and recalls that, when he was a boy, he listened to Harwell and “got a little taste of his flavor.” He should have paid more attention. Here’s the clip.

The John Sterling Effect

As you know, this site is dedicated to pointing out how John Sterling’s antics usually get in the way of his Yankees broadcasts. Well…we’ve been one-upped.

In a thoughtful post on Bleacher Report, Leslie Monteiro blames Sterling for the decline of sports announcers in general. It makes a great deal of sense and is definitely worth a read. Click here for the story.

Dead Horse to John Sterling:“Stop Beating Me!”

The only thing John Sterling loves more than…John Sterling, is a catch phrase he can beat to death. Yesterday, when the Yanks bullpen almost blew a lead in the ninth, Sterling found one.

As the Orioles threatened to tie the game, Sterling declared “This is life without Mariano.” OK. We get it. Mariano is on the shelf and it was a decent observation. But in Sterling’s world, anything worth saying once is worth repeating ad nauseam. And so a few seconds later, he repeats himself as though the thought just popped into his head, “This is life without Mariano.”

To make matters worse, as soon as Suzyn Waldman started her Star-of-the-Game interview, she jumped on the bandwagon with…you guessed it…”This is life without Mariano.”

Cut to commercial. Come back to the broadcast, and how does Sterling begin his post-game wrap up? You guessed. So “this is life without Mariano.” I would be willing to bet he repeated it at least two more times, but I had to turn the radio off because I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I am left to hope and wait for the day when I can once again enjoy a Yankee radio broadcast. The day when Yankee fans can rejoice. The day when we experience “life without Sterling.”

John Sterling is to Florida as Jerry Lewis is to France

No, it’s not an SAT question, it’s the truth. While comic legend Jerry Lewis remains under-appreciated at home, the French can’t get enough of him.

Open a paper, turn on the TV or listen to the radio in the NY area and you’ll hear lots and lots of people who have had it up to here with John Sterling. But, head south and Sterling is king!

You want proof? Just take a look at this fan forum on a site called GatorSports. It’s a Florida love fest! One fan compared listening to Sterling ramble to “an afternoon talking to your grandfather.” That’s a compliment, right? Right?

John Sterling’s Home Run Call for Barack Obama

The Yankees visited the White House yesterday to receive official World Championship recognition from the baseball-fan-in-chief, Barack Obama. And there, smiling like he just scored aisle seats to Finnian’s Rainbow, was John Sterling.

All of which makes me wonder, what would Sterling’s home run call for the President be? Certainly it would start with the obligatory “It is high…it is far…it is gone!” But then what? A few possibilities include:

“It’s an A-Bomba, from O-Bama!”

“That’s gone…and it’s never coming Barack!”

“Oh Mama…there goes Obama!”

“Book it a flight on Air Force Run!”

But these, dear reader, are just the tip of the Sterling iceberg. Put on your thinking caps and send me your best John Sterling Presidential home run call The authors of the top three calls will win a brand new Sterling Stinks T-shirt!

John Sterling and Mr. Magoo. Separated at Birth?

Writing for the SILive.com blog, Dean Balsamini referred to John Sterling as Mr. Magoo. For those of you under a certain age, Mr. Magoo was a cartoon character who bumbled his way through life due to his poor eyesight.

Wikipedia’s description of Magoo makes Balsamini’s confusion understandable:

“Quincy Magoo…gets into a series of sticky situations as a result of his nearsightedness, compounded by his stubborn refusal to admit the problem. Affected people…tend to think that he is a lunatic.”

Well, let’s see. Sterling certainly seems to have vision problems as evidenced by his many home run calls that turn out to be foul (or caught), and his frequent misidentification of players.
You could certainly call Sterling stubborn. Witness his refusal to back off of his widely-ridiculed home run calls and end-of-game calls. And most people I know think he’s a lunatic.

Hmmm. John Sterling. Mr. Magoo. I’ve never seen them photographed together. Could they be one in the same? That would explain plenty.

Will the Real John Sterling Please Shut Up?

You may have heard this, but here’s a great recording of some guy doing his impression of BOTH John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman. Not only does he get their sound, but he nails their style. “How do you predict baseball?” “You can throw the numbers out the window.” You get the picture.