Monday, August 2, 2010

John Sterling’s Home Run Call for Lance Berkman

OK, so my affinity for Lance Berkman goes back to his early days as a roto stud. I am glad to see him in pinstripes, but the joy of a lefty off the bench is tempered by the fact that this means John Sterling gets to create yet another inane home run call. What will Sterling come up with now? A Berkman Blast? Lance Left the Field. What home run call will the “Jerk Man” create for the Berkman?


  1. What a piece of Berk!

  2. Fat Elvis has left the building

  3. Hey there!

    Did you see my post on Sterling?

  4. Berkman goes boom!!!

  5. A lance into the heart of the left center field seats! Berk just went berserk!

  6. Dejectedly, A. GrumpusAugust 3, 2010 at 2:26 AM

    There will never be a home run call for Lance Berkman, b/c it doesn't look like he'll ever hit one again. But the Lance Berkman strike out call will be stirring and awe-inspiring: "Oh, brother, you can add another "K" to Berkkman, b/c he's struck out for the second time tonight! Lance Berkman, a persistent drain on Yankee effort!"

  7. Which will come first? The next Berkman home run call or the next A Rod home run call?

  8. And still, a week later, our pinstripe nation awaits . . . if Lance Berkman ever does hit a Yankee home run, what will sterling JOHN STERLING!'s sterling call be? I predict that LB will hit a potential inside the parker that ends with him getting nailed at the dish when he unaccountably refuses to slide.

    Thus: "yit is high, nit is far, it is . . . OFF the rightcenterfieldwall AND the ball caroms past the centerfielder Ellsbury and bounds at an angle towards left field. No one's going to get it. The right fielder JD Drew is nowhere near the ball as he looks deep in thought. Berkman is headed to first. You know Suzyn, from our vantage point, high atop Yankee Stadium in the Lowe's press box, you just can't see every part of the field, but let me tell you--Berkman rounds first--the ball looked like--I mean it really looked like it was headed for the seats, but it hit the top of the wall and I mean, he missed a home run by inches--INCHES!--and the ball continues rolling as Berkman gets to second base. Ellsbury has stopped chasing the ball and he's holding his side--how do you like that, he looks like he's reinjured his ribs just going after a ball--can you predict baseball? He just comes off the DL after three months and oh boy, he looks hurt again--this would be a terrible loss to the Red Sox, who've been racked by injuries this year. But what can you do--they look good on paper, but you have to play the games and there's a hunnerd&sixty two of 'em. Paper's just paper folks, so whomever is now playing left field for the Red Sox is wildly chasing the ball--it's still rolling--and Berkman rounds second and steams towards third--let's pause 15 seconds to bring you a short notice from Geico insurance--15 seconds could save you 15% on your next auto insurance monthly payment and in about 15 seconds the Boston left fielder--I'll have to get the player's guide out to see who it is, but let me tell you, from this vantage point in the Lowe's press box, you can't see every part of the field, which looks sparkling today in a picture perfect summer afternoon--I mean blue--BLUE!--skies and a few puffy clouds and Berkman is at third base and is being waved around--the throw is coming in from left center and it's short--it rolls to the cutoff man Scutaro--how do you like it, he, uh, shanked the throw and it rolled like a bowling ball to the cutoff man Scutaro--I mean, have you ever seen such a play? You can't predict baseball, but you can predict quality at William Barthman jewelers, William Barthman! For quality and Berkman's going for it, he's headed home and Scutaro wheels with the relay and throws home, it's a short hop, Martinez has the ball, Berkman slides, NO! wait, he stops, Martinez drops the ball, scampers after it and Berkman steps--slowly--past Martinez and he's safe, no wait, he's TAGGED OUT! How do you like that? You know the home plate umpire, Phil Cuzzy, well, he's always slow with the calls--we can't hear the call up here, he's so deliberate with his hand motion and it looks like, if you're scoring at home, as I know you are, that Berkman is out on a 7-6-2, so it's a triple and he's thrown out at home and I'm not sure if I've ever seen that play in baseball before--I mean Berkman was out by 10 ft. and he's been running for 3 minutes. Well, that'll do it, it's a one-two-three inning and at the end of the 5th inning, the Yanks lead 6-3."

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