Friday, July 30, 2010

John Sterling Hall of Shame

A few comments down, our resident Sterling Savant (that’s you Mr. Grumpus) spoke of the day when statues would be erected in honor of the Voice of the Yankees. Such a horrific thought reminded me that, shortly after The Boss passed on, the airwaves were buzzing with conjecture about whether he would every make it to the Hall of Fame. At that time, a friend turned to me and asked “Do you think Sterling would ever get in?”

I froze.

Suddenly I felt like a helpless victim in an Edgar Allan Poe story. Putting the words “Sterling” and Hall of Fame” in the same sentence was worse than hearing the Raven's “nevermore” AND the beating of the Tell Tale Heart at the same time.

Could it ever happen? I hope not, but hope is not a strategy. Together, we must devise an action plan to make sure Professor Sterling never, ever, EVER lands in Cooperstown. Post, respond, e-mail me. Rack your brains for ideas and then tell me…how can we keep this man out???

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

John Sterling in Double Trouble

Sure John Sterling is infamous for mispronouncing player’s names, but saying the same player’s name two different ways in the same sentence may be a first!

Cut to Tuesday night’s game in Cleveland when, in the same breath, Sterling referred to Indians' catcher Chris Gimenez as both (phonetically) Him-en-ez AND Gym-en-ez. Professor Sterling must have been to preoccupied coming up with more coinkydinks to share.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

John Sterling KNOWS He Makes No Sense

News Flash: Even John Sterling thinks John Sterling makes no sense!

During tonight’s post-game show, the Voice of the Yankees said he wanted to treat us (and Snoozin’ Waldman) to a few coincidences (or “coinkydinks” in Sterling Speak). He then proceeded to list a few statistics that, for the most part, had nothing in common.

First, Sterling compared tonight’s attendance to last night’s (they were different). Then, he compared the time of game from yesterday to today (they were different). Finally, he pointed out that yesterday, Yankee pitchers struck out six and…wait for it…tonight Yankee pitchers struck out six!

A .333 average is great for a hitter, but in the world of coincidence hunting, it’s no great shakes.

Then, as if by way of explanation, Sterling stated “Now you may ask what this all means.” Well, yes John, I do. His answer? “Nothing,” he said. “It means nothing!” Finally, he realizes what Yankee fans have known for quite some time. His observations are worthless.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Well Eschews Me!

Once again, Yankee broadcaster John Sterling resorted to his “word-of-the-day” announcing style instead of the clear and concise technique preferred by his superiors (i.e. 99% of all other play-by-play men).

In the sixth inning of tonight’s game in Cleveland, Indian’s manager Manny Acta decided to let a player try to advance a man on first without bunting. When the play failed, Professor Sterling stated “So Manny Acta eschews the bunt.” Eschews? Really?

It’s not quite an SAT word, but the question remains…why use it? Why not just say “Acta decided not to bunt.”? I’ll tell you why. It’s not about the game. It’s about Sterling, and even in the simplest baseball moment, the Professor must shine the light on himself. When Sterling says “eschew” what he is really saying is “look at me! See how I can use fancy words that other broadcasters don’t?” Well Professor, there’s a reason they don’t.

The old acronym KISS (Keep it Simple Stupid) applies here, as it does to most everything Sterling says. As another (humbler) genius, Albert Einstein, once said, “Everything should be made as simple as possible.”

WFAN Gets Dirty

From our Double Entendre Department comes the following:

During her 11 p.m. update on NY sports radio station WFAN yesterday, announcer
Erica Herskowitz commented on how upset NY Mets pitcher R.A. Dickey was after being pulled from the game with a muscle strain.

Now maybe it’s my third-grade sense of humor, but I couldn’t help but chuckle when Herskowitz reported that “Dickey wasn’t happy about being yanked.”

Good thing she wasn’t around when
Pete LaCock played for the Royals.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

John Sterling’s Imagination Runs Dry

Maybe it was the heat. Maybe it was the shock of a bench jockey suddenly being called into play and belting a homer. Whatever the reason, John Sterling has hit bottom with his lame home run call for New York Yankees rookie Colin Curtis.

As the ball left the yard, the Sterling-throated one declared “I’ll C.C. you later!” Then, after an awkward beat in which it seemed Sterling realized just how lame he’s become, he added the attribution: “he said.” Making the whole call “I’ll C.C. you later…he said.”
I get it, his initials are C.C.

I also get that by adding yet another inane home run call which puts the focus on himself instead of the game, Sterling loses the moment.

A pinch hitter, inheriting an 0-2 count from a batter thrown out of the game? Happens every day. A kid hitting his first blast in Yankee stadium? Boring. No, instead let’s focus on silly wordplay so we can all talk about how creative the announcer is. I am really getting fed up.

PS Sterling’s home run call for Juan Miranda was just as poor.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Clear, Concise, Correct

Give the Yanks credit for a touching video tribute to Bob Sheppard. Towards the end of the montage, Sheppard states how he doesn’t attempt to be flamboyant or clairvoyant. Instead, he sums up his professional attitude in three words: Clear. Concise. Correct.

Then cut to the bumbling, stumbling “Voice of the Yankees,” Mr. Sterling. Hopefully, he was paying close attention to the Sheppard tribute and will pick up some pointers from a class act.