The Night Before (John) Sterling

Tomorrow marks the 2011 debut of Yanks baseball on the radio, and the return of John Sterling. Which makes tonight:

The Night Before Sterling

‘Twas the night before Sterling, when all through the house,

Each creature was fearing, what would spring from his mouth;

For tomorrow he sits in his Yank’s broadcast chair,

And starts a new season of spewing hot air;

The radios were tuned to the Yankee’s network,

Just awaiting the s**t that would emit from this jerk;

I took out my jersey, I put on my cap,

And finally awoke from my long winter’s nap;

When out of the radio, there rose such a clatter;

As Sterling had started his mind-numbing patter;

He’s always mistaking, what are strikes and are balls,

And makes efforts painstaking, on his home run calls;

On Jeter, on Text, on Jolly Saint Nick,

On my nerves, for quite frankly, he’s making me sick;

Is it fair? Is it foul? Is it over the wall?

He’s calls are like noses, he blows one and all;

But this game is a tough one, there’s just no explaining,

And while he makes little sense, there’s no sense complaining;

So here I exclaim, whilst full of derision;

Click off your radio, and watch television!

Four Days till John Sterling Returns

The Yankees broadcast schedule is out and we only have four days left till the return of John Sterling to the airwaves. Talk about mixed emotions. The thrill of Yankee baseball tempered by the agony of having to listen to John Sterling.

Word is that the Vegas bookmakers are adding Sterlingisms to their offerings. Here are some of the most recent odds:

Sterling reacts to an exhibition win over the Twins as if the Yanks won another pennant - 4:1
Sterling sings a song from a Broadway musical – 7:1
Sterling mispronounces a player’s name – Even

Plus, here are the over/unders for some Sterling utterances (per game):

Sterling says spring training games are meaningless – 31
Sterling says spring stats are meaningless – 18
Sterling says spring stats are meaningless, and then proceeds to talk about spring stats – 6

A lot can happen in four days. Maybe Sterling will get an offer to appear in Spider-man on Broadway and leave the Yankees before Opening Day. Wait…they’ve had enough trouble as it is.

The Final Countdown?

Such mixed emotions. Like most baseball fans, I am thrilled that spring training is here. Visions of sugar plums dancing in my head have been replaced by visions on yet another World Series championship (or, at the very least, visions of a solid third and fourth starter).

Like most Yankees fans, my joy is tempered by the fact that I am facing another season of listening to John Sterling. The man mangles calls. The man mispronounces names (sometimes twice in the same sentence). The man sings when he should talk. The man talks when he should shut up. But every cloud has a silver lining.

Is this the last year of Sterling?

The Yankees contract with their flagship radio station, WCBS-AM, expires after this season. And with it, so do the contracts of Sterling and Snoozin’ Waldman, possibly the worst broadcast duo in baseball.

You know that Hank S. will be shopping the rights looking for the very best deal. If that deal is found elsewhere, will the new broadcast partner resign Sterling and Waldman? Probably not. Even if the Yanks stay with CBS, the broadcast brass there must realize that the fans have had it. The home run calls and ego-driven chatter have gone stale. It is time for a change.

Here’s hoping that this is the final countdown. Here’s hoping that the 2012 Yankees bring new announcers to their radio team.

Play Ball!

The mercury is approaching the 70s in NYC today. Spring is in the air and the Boys of Summer are down south warming up for another season of baseball. While there are big concerns about the starting rotation, sadly one rotation will stay intact. Yes, Yankee fans, it looks like we will have to endure another summer of John Sterling and Snoozin’ Waldman.

I too, am gearing up for another season of blown calls and ego-driven broadcasts. I look forward to your comments, insults and suggestions (and the witty banter of Grumpus).

John Sterling: Stuck in the 80s

In tonight’s loss to the Blue Jays, as an errant throw rolled into the outfield, the ever-current John Sterling remarked that the throw would have even been “over Kareem’s head.”

How timely, a 2010 reference to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the six-time NBA MVP who retired in…wait for it…1989. That’s 1989, as in 21 YEARS AGO, proving yet again that Sterling exists in some sort of nonsensical time warp.

John Sterling’s Imagination Runs Dry

Maybe it was the heat. Maybe it was the shock of a bench jockey suddenly being called into play and belting a homer. Whatever the reason, John Sterling has hit bottom with his lame home run call for New York Yankees rookie Colin Curtis.

As the ball left the yard, the Sterling-throated one declared “I’ll C.C. you later!” Then, after an awkward beat in which it seemed Sterling realized just how lame he’s become, he added the attribution: “he said.” Making the whole call “I’ll C.C. you later…he said.”
I get it, his initials are C.C.

I also get that by adding yet another inane home run call which puts the focus on himself instead of the game, Sterling loses the moment.

A pinch hitter, inheriting an 0-2 count from a batter thrown out of the game? Happens every day. A kid hitting his first blast in Yankee stadium? Boring. No, instead let’s focus on silly wordplay so we can all talk about how creative the announcer is. I am really getting fed up.

PS Sterling’s home run call for Juan Miranda was just as poor.