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Sunday, May 9, 2010

The John Sterling Effect

As you know, this site is dedicated to pointing out how John Sterling’s antics usually get in the way of his Yankees broadcasts. Well…we’ve been one-upped.

In a thoughtful post on Bleacher Report, Leslie Monteiro blames Sterling for the decline of sports announcers in general. It makes a great deal of sense and is definitely worth a read. Click here for the story.

4 comments:

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  2. great link to a well written story. thanks!

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  3. A. Grumpus ! (!!)May 18, 2010 at 4:33 PM

    Credit where credit is due. ESPN ruined color commentating when they tried to match their calls to the truly magnificent pace-setter Van Earl Wright. Van Earl and STERLING! would be quite a tandem, by the bye, and even when the volumator on 2 it would sound like the radio is cranked to 11, and amplified through a glorious mega-megaphone.

    But I get off track. I blame Chris Berman, et. al who made sports "cute", by focusing mainly on highlights and catch phrases, puns and snide asides, etc. so average Joe's, drawn like moths to wicked flames, miss the nuance and have noxious baseball announcers like Joe Morgan, who couldn't give birdseed to birds w/o mentioning the mid-70s Reds every 8 seconds. Jon Millar (or should I say, Jon Mill-AR!) must grouse away his nights with a fifth of cheap bourbon and a lifetime of regrets as he analyzes the shadows in his filthy apartment for some semblance of meaning.

    Baseball announcing? Let's not overlook the odious "ah-shucks" hucksters and hand-wringers on Fox like their miserable duo of Buck and McCarver, who've become lost in some Norman Rockwell fantasia. Their work makes one willingly contemplate the crannies and creases in the VOID. JOHN STERLING, I mean JOHN STERLING!!, meanwhile, strides above and across this swamp and morass by routinely achieving the inexplicable. Think on that. Mystery is a value that is being quickly diminished in our "information age" where every secret is revealed, every question answered, every factoid dissected. Every fool has Google and has become a so-called expert, at least to his immediate cadre of rum heads in his local saloon. JOHN STERLING!'s to good for them, b/c they need nothing but answers and facts, when JOHN STERLING! is all about a new, rare kind of art. JOHN STERLING!! keeps the mystery in the game and I applaud him for that derring-do. As a sage wiser than us once said, "let go into the mystery . . ."

    His non sequiturs are as priceless as Buster Keaton's deadpans. His spontaneous outbursts into song make one note the similarity to spring birds in the garden tootling. His puns are so objectively bad that they call the very literary formulation into question, like a master deconstruction'eer. This is all planned by JOHN STERLING!! So keep your cruddy rejoinders to yourself and give up your impotent mission. Recognize! JOHN STERLING!!: mysterious, groovy and not unpretty.

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  4. I'll add that Leslie Montiero is a real Pulitzer. She's the next Ring Lardner. I jest. The ad hominem, salacious and sexist attacks she levels on Suzyn Waldman will prevent Ms. Montiero, I hope, from ever holding down a respectable journalism position at any kind of reputable newspaper (if they exist in 6 mo.). Not to mention the talking-out-of-school biz and dish on the bulbous Kay, etc. Perhaps, with this lit expertise, she can pen a Peyton Place-style book on YES/880 announcing teams. The real dirt as only she can tell it. Well, glad she has such an axe to grind--any good points (re. Jim Kaat) are lost in the vituperative, personal character assassinations.

    And to use Mike Mussina as a character witness doesn't hold much juice--Moose wouldn't like Santa Claus if he was giving out free ice cream and $1000 bills at an orphanage. He's got a beef with Mother Theresa b/c she once cut him off in traffic. He's a grump and I know--I've seen him at our meetings.

    So, if this scandal sheet/rumor-mongering qualifies as "well-written"--well, we've come a long way, baby, from Hedda Hopper. Perhaps Montiero can get a gig at the South Jersey Fish Wrapper helming their flagging "Page 6" gossip and grouse column.

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