Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I Feel Unpretty

Sure “unpretty” is a word, it’s just not the kind of word you would expect to hear during a baseball broadcast. It’s awkward, clumsy and showy. In other words, it’s the perfect type of word for John Sterling to use, which he did, tonight.

During this evening’s game in Oakland, Sterling, the Yankees radio announcer, commented on how drab the A’s Coliseum is. It’s very “unpretty,” Sterling groaned. In fact, “it’s the unprettiest ballpark in the major leagues.”


Just as Tom Hanks exclaimed “there’s no crying in baseball,” I say, “there’s no flowery language in baseball!” You can tell by the name of this site that I am not one to beat around the bush (It’s called Sterling Stinks…not Sterling Annoys my Sensibilities).

So why “unpretty?” Why not…oh, I don’t know…maybe: ugly, awful, hideous, disgusting, terrible…you get the idea.

Why does Sterling make these misguided word choices? I don’t know. Maybe he’s bored. Maybe he’s oblivious. Or maybe he’s just unsmart.

1 comment:

  1. Oakland Colisseum is so gross, foul, rank, degraded, debased and abused that a new lexicon is needed just to roughly gauge its horrors. "Unpretty" it is.

    And that's just the fans.

    We'll live to see the day when the Colisseum is honorably imploded into baseball oblivion. JOHN STERLING will do the nation's dirty work and push the plunger. We'll applaud that this architectural offense has been put to pasture. The rubble will be dumped into SF Bay to be lost in the deep. The ground will be salted with unlucky children's tears who had the ill luck to gaze upon the Colisseum's unprettiness and then after a ritualized voodoo exorcism, the grounds will be covered with the shavings of Al Davis's wigs until a majestic flower garden takes its place. The only structure to be built on this site will be a narrow medieval tower topped with a turret on which will be placed a radio station where JOHN STERLING can perch and rage against the "unpretty." This will be compelling radio. So "unsmart" you gibe? It's all a part of his 7 year game plan towards world media domination! Get in the boat and start rowing, or you'll repent later!