John Sterling is to Florida as Jerry Lewis is to France

No, it’s not an SAT question, it’s the truth. While comic legend Jerry Lewis remains under-appreciated at home, the French can’t get enough of him.

Open a paper, turn on the TV or listen to the radio in the NY area and you’ll hear lots and lots of people who have had it up to here with John Sterling. But, head south and Sterling is king!

You want proof? Just take a look at this fan forum on a site called GatorSports. It’s a Florida love fest! One fan compared listening to Sterling ramble to “an afternoon talking to your grandfather.” That’s a compliment, right? Right?

John Sterling’s Home Run Call for Barack Obama

The Yankees visited the White House yesterday to receive official World Championship recognition from the baseball-fan-in-chief, Barack Obama. And there, smiling like he just scored aisle seats to Finnian’s Rainbow, was John Sterling.

All of which makes me wonder, what would Sterling’s home run call for the President be? Certainly it would start with the obligatory “It is high…it is far…it is gone!” But then what? A few possibilities include:

“It’s an A-Bomba, from O-Bama!”

“That’s gone…and it’s never coming Barack!”

“Oh Mama…there goes Obama!”

“Book it a flight on Air Force Run!”

But these, dear reader, are just the tip of the Sterling iceberg. Put on your thinking caps and send me your best John Sterling Presidential home run call The authors of the top three calls will win a brand new Sterling Stinks T-shirt!

John Sterling and Mr. Magoo. Separated at Birth?

Writing for the SILive.com blog, Dean Balsamini referred to John Sterling as Mr. Magoo. For those of you under a certain age, Mr. Magoo was a cartoon character who bumbled his way through life due to his poor eyesight.

Wikipedia’s description of Magoo makes Balsamini’s confusion understandable:

“Quincy Magoo…gets into a series of sticky situations as a result of his nearsightedness, compounded by his stubborn refusal to admit the problem. Affected people…tend to think that he is a lunatic.”

Well, let’s see. Sterling certainly seems to have vision problems as evidenced by his many home run calls that turn out to be foul (or caught), and his frequent misidentification of players.
You could certainly call Sterling stubborn. Witness his refusal to back off of his widely-ridiculed home run calls and end-of-game calls. And most people I know think he’s a lunatic.

Hmmm. John Sterling. Mr. Magoo. I’ve never seen them photographed together. Could they be one in the same? That would explain plenty.

Trumpus the Grumpus

While our readers have been great at providing us with lists of John Sterling’s less-than-stellar home run calls, we found another site that provides a pretty comprehensive inventory as well.

While the calls are as obnoxious as ever, I find solace in the comments:

• “…once you get to Sterling’s inane ramblings… it makes it impossible to listen to a Yankee game on the radio.”
• “Sterling and Waldman have the worst broadcast team in the bigs”
• “The tag team of Sterling and Waldman is intolerable”

And my personal favorite: “Sterling Sucks.” See Grumpus? I am not alone. Find the list here.

The Devils Made Me Do It

I am off licking my wounds from the Devil’s early demise in the play-offs. You Rangers fans feel free to bash me. At least now I can turn all of my attention to baseball. See you Monday.

Will the Real John Sterling Please Shut Up?

You may have heard this, but here’s a great recording of some guy doing his impression of BOTH John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman. Not only does he get their sound, but he nails their style. “How do you predict baseball?” “You can throw the numbers out the window.” You get the picture.

I Feel Unpretty

Sure “unpretty” is a word, it’s just not the kind of word you would expect to hear during a baseball broadcast. It’s awkward, clumsy and showy. In other words, it’s the perfect type of word for John Sterling to use, which he did, tonight.

During this evening’s game in Oakland, Sterling, the Yankees radio announcer, commented on how drab the A’s Coliseum is. It’s very “unpretty,” Sterling groaned. In fact, “it’s the unprettiest ballpark in the major leagues.”

Really?

Just as Tom Hanks exclaimed “there’s no crying in baseball,” I say, “there’s no flowery language in baseball!” You can tell by the name of this site that I am not one to beat around the bush (It’s called Sterling Stinks…not Sterling Annoys my Sensibilities).

So why “unpretty?” Why not…oh, I don’t know…maybe: ugly, awful, hideous, disgusting, terrible…you get the idea.

Why does Sterling make these misguided word choices? I don’t know. Maybe he’s bored. Maybe he’s oblivious. Or maybe he’s just unsmart.

John Sterling Fall-Back Career Part I

Perhaps Sterling could go into the beverage business. After all, he has much in common with this namesake beverage:

• The beverage is caffeine free so it won’t keep you up. Sterling’s voice puts me right to sleep.


• The beverage is light and bubbly, but has no real substance. Ditto for JS.


• While it may seem refreshing at first, its bland taste gets old fast.


• When exposed for any length of time, it loses its fizz and becomes flat and boring. Kind of like Sterling by the second inning.

Any other similarities?

He's O Kay with Me

As much as I prefer listen to a baseball game on the radio over watching one on TV, the voice of John Sterling is enough to drive me to the idiot box. While tuning in to yesterday’s matinee against the Texas Rangers, Yankees TV announcer Michael Kay showed an admirable touch of impartiality.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Brett Gardner hit a grounder that went right through the legs of Rangers second baseman Joaquin Arias. Was it catchable? Absolutely. Was it an error? Yes…to just about everyone except the official scorer who, feeling a little home town love, gave Gardner a hit.

Kay immediately took offense. “Oh come on!” he said. “That’s a shocker. I had it as E4. Come on!”

As discussed before right here at Sterling Stinks, rooting is one thing, but being an all out Homer can get annoying. Good job, Mr. Kay.

Oops, He Did it Again!

Remember when Britney Spears kept getting photographed drinking Coca Cola even though she was a paid spokesperson for Pepsi? Maybe she’s not alone.

If John Sterling is coming to us from the Lowe’s Broadcast Booth, then why is he spending so much time in Home Depot?

When Googling “John Sterling,” I wondered why I got so many links to Home Depot. The answer? It seems that "John Sterling" is also the name of a company that manufactures home hardware products.

Visit your local Home Depot and you’ll find a wide selection of John Sterling (the company) pegs, hooks and hangers to meet your storage needs. Good idea! We wish John Sterling (the announcer) would hang it up as well.

Viva Las Vegas

The word of Sterling’s embarrassing home run calls is spreading far and wide. Just today, the Las Vegas Review-Journal writes that Sterling “might have sunk to a new low with the addition of Curtis Granderson to the lineup.”

The first article on the page is a nice little story about Jeter playing a practical joke on Matsui during the home opening Championship Ring ceremony. Read it here.

Ho-Ho-Horrendous

OK…I know I was going to let yesterday’s home opener slide without and comments, but the more I think about Sterling’s idiotic home run call for Nick Johnson (“Oh it’s Jolly Old St. Nick!”) the more it makes me want to fill his stocking with coal.
Maybe…just maybe…there’s no need to create a custom-made home run call for every player. As the old proverb states, sometimes it’s better to stay quiet and be thought a fool, than to speak up and remove all doubt.

A Suzyn Waldman Slip!

Sure we focus on John Sterling, but when his partner in the booth, Suzyn Waldman, makes a goof, it’s only fair we give it a mention.

In the top of the ninth inning of today’s loss to the Angels, Waldman stated that relief pitcher Fernando Rodney was “throwing up in the pen.” After repeating the gaff (twice!), Waldman corrected herself (“warming up”) and moved on.

Yankees 2010 Home Opener

Unless he does something really, really stupid (I can even let today's awkward "The Bases are Bursting with Bombers" slide), I won't let John Sterling ruin the beauty that is the home opener. Speaking of which, here's a glorious shot of the stadium during today's ceremonies. Isn't baseball amazing?

The John Sterling Home Run Call Quiz

Sure we all know “it is high…it is far…it is gone,” but how well can you identify Sterling’s personalized calls for some current (and recently-departed) Yankees? See how you stack up thanks to Sporcle, a Web site dedicated to “mentally stimulating diversion.”

You’ll have seven minutes to correctly identify calls for 15 different Yankees, including Jeter, Cano and (my fave) Bernie Williams. Put on your thinking cap and click here to take the quiz. Good luck!

Defending John Sterling

In a effort to be fair and balanced, here’s a link to a blog that, while bemoaning the state of baseball play-by-play, credits John Sterling (and Suzyn Waldman) for not being all-out homers.

Of course, most compliments of Sterling are back-handed at best. For example, before giving Sterling his due, this writer states:

“Sterling has been much-maligned for his silly home run calls and for not always following the action on Yankees games, and for letting his considerable ego loose on most nights.”

Some compliment.

The Giants Win the Pennant

With all the talk lately about bad home run calls, I thought it might be fun to go back and listen to a classic. Russ Hodges will forever be known as the announcer of “The Shot Heard ‘Round the World.” Sure he’s excited, but there is never any feeling of grandstanding or that he is trying to overshadow the event.

As popular as this call is, Hodges took some heat for his gusto. Red Barber, the low-key Dodger’s announcer, considered it questionable journalism. As for his call of the homer, Barber responded to the blast with 59 seconds of dramatic silence, letting his listeners soak up the ambient sound. Wonder what he would say about the Grandyman?

Sterling Adds to Granderson Home Run Call (via Willy Wonka)

Would he? Could he? Was it possible that John Sterling would repeat his much-maligned home run call for Curtis Granderson? Simply put, yes.

After Granderson went yard against Jonathan Papelbon in tonight's 10th inning, the head scratching began as, for some unknown reason, Sterling repeated his now infamous “Something sort of Grandish” call.

But wait. It gets worse. Since one egotistical call may not be enough, Stelring then proceeded to serenade his listners buy singing “The Grandyman can, the Grandyman can.” This is apparently his take on the song “The Candy Man,” featured in the film Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.

“Something sort of Grandish” is based on the 1947 Broadway musical Finnian’s Rainbow. Willy Wonka came out in 1971. I guess this is Sterling’s idea of getting with the times.

We Called It

Who knew we had such a knack for predicting the future?

Way back on March 11, (after listing five Sterling idiosyncrasies that drive us mad) we listed the one positive thing we could mention about the Yankee broadcaster. While that post may have seemed a bit odd at the time, it came resonating back on the heels of Sterling’s disastrous Curtis Granderson home run call which, it turns out, was inspired by a 40-year-old Broadway musical.

Granderson Update

How bad did John Sterling blow his first home run call for Curtis Granderson? A quick Google search for “’John Sterling’ and ‘Curtis Granderson’” returns over 2,400 results (and most of them don’t look too positive).

Writing for the timesunion.com blogs, Jordan Carleo-Evangelist drafted an open letter to Mr. Sterling questioning his questionable home run call for Curtis Granderson. Read the story here.

John Sterling's Grandseron Call

Perhaps the biggest off-season Yankees question was “what would be John Sterling’s home run call for Curtis Granderson?” We now all know that it was a ridiculous, sorry attempt at best. But where did “Something sort of grandish” come from? Would you believe a Broadway musical from 1947. Another Sterling moment in Yankee history. Read more here.

As Good as it Gets?

I forgot just how over-the-top John Sterling gets when he gushes about Alex Rodriquez. I was reminded last night when he called A-Rod’s 2009 post-season “as good a play-offs as any player’s ever had.” Really?

No doubt, Rodriquez had his best post-season in pinstripes, and he certainly helped bring the championship home…but “as good a play-offs as any player’s ever had” seems a bit strong.

In the World Series, A-Rod hit .250 with six RBIs and one HR. Those numbers put him nowhere near the top of any major batting statistic in World Series’ history. Even in Yankee Land, we have Babe Ruth hitting four homers, Bobby Richardson with 12 RBI and, just last year, Hideiki Matsui hit .615 in the Fall Classic.

Rodriquez had a much better LCS, but even those numbers are far from “best ever” stats. In fact, virtually none of A-Rod’s Championship Series batting numbers land him in the Top 10 of any single-season LCS batting list. Oops…actually his three HRs have him tied for third (with 27 other players).

Once again, why let the facts get in the way of a good ass kissing?

A Grand Night for Dinging

Well, it took John Sterling less than two innings into the 2010 season to misidentify a player.

Curtis Granderson’s 455-foot, second inning home run delighted many Yankee fans on opening night, but none more than Sterling. In addition to showing off yet another inane home run call, Sterling continued to gush about Granderson like a love-struck schoolgirl.

The love fest distracted Sterling so much that he referred to left fielder Brett Gardner as Granderson later that same inning.

Opening night box score: Sterling 1, Accuracy 0.

Crystal Ball Time

Based on statistical analysis--and some hunches--here are my projected final standings for the 2010 MLB season:

AL East
NY Yankees
Tampa Bay Rays
Boston Red Sox
Toronto Blue Jays
Baltimore Orioles

AL Central
Chicago White Sox
Minnesota Twins
Detroit Tigers
Kansas City Royals
Cleveland Indians

AL West
Texas Rangers
Los Angeles Angels
Seattle Mariners
Oakland Athletics

NL East
Phiadelphis Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
NY Mets
Washington Nationals

NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Chicago Cubs
Milwaukee Brewers
Houston Astros
Pittsburgh Pirates

NL West
Colorado Rockies
Los Angeles Dodgers
San Diego Padres
San Francisco Giants
Arizona Diamondbacks

Suzyn Waldman chatted with Boston radio heads Tanquay and Zolak about the Yankees upcoming season, her embarrassing "Roger-Clemens-is-a-New-York-Yankee" moment and, of course, John Sterling. After the interview, T&Z took some pot (and potty) shots at J.S. Listen to the interview here.

And You Thought Waterboarding was Bad

Last year Matt Taibbi wrote an article for Men's Journal claiming that the Yank's attempt at buying a World Championship would never work. We all know how that ended up.

Today, Taibbi invites Yankee fans to send him gloating e-mails. In fact, if he gets 1,000 letters, Taibbi promises to "post a video of myself on YouTube listening to an endless loop of John Sterling’s The-e-e-e-e-e Yankees win!" Talk about torture. Jeez Matt, we wouldn't wish that on our worst enemy!

By the way, today's article is a thoughtful look at eight ways to increase parity in baseball and is definitely worth a read.

Sterling Joins Red Sox

Well, Sterling detractors, we finally got our wish. In a surprise move, NY Yankee announcer John Sterling has jumped ship and is now the radio voice of the Boston Red Sox. He begins his new assignment this Sunday with the season opener.

In a prepared statement, Sterling said that while his "Yankee years were second only to his time in Atlanta, he looks forward to joining Red Sox Nation."

Many Yankee fans will, no doubt, celebrate the move. Until they check the calendar.